The Boobs
Two references among my f-list, one semi-oblique and one less oblique, to the Open Source Boob project got me googling this morning.


(Another edit: The Open Source Boob project, to sum up, is a bunch of people handing out buttons at a con, wherein you indicate if you are up to being asked if your boobs can be touched. I'd suggest Googling for more context than my entry provides.)

And my initial reaction is here: NO.

And especially en masse, NO.

Reasons being: Do you know what a nerdy girl, or at least, this particular nerdy girl has done in weaker moments because she wanted to fit in, to be liked, to not stand out, to not seem too uptight. Fortunately, not all that much. I think my extreme moment involved flashing some friends at another friend's bachelor party, and the trauma I have about that is low to near non-existent. But obviously not entirely non-existent because otherwise I wouldn't be mentioning it here. The reason I flashed my male friends is because they had flashed me first, AND THIS IS IMPORTANT, I felt like I should reciprocate with an equal display. God knows why (sarcasm) but somehow I had picked up the notion that my body was there for the appeasement of others. Eradicating that idea has taken no little time.

I get the concept. But practising it in public, en masse, is creating a situation where you are creating an expectation. And if a girl doesn't want to participate, even if your intentions are entirely benign, she IS NOT LIVING IN YOUR HEAD. She doesn't know that. She may participate even if she doesn't entirely want to, because the social pressure is great.

And I know some of you are thinking, Grow a spine.

Yes, well, about that. Not all of us got to grow up in super strong feminist households that gave you self-respect in your mother's milk. I'm still accreting my spine. (I get the spare parts from the junk yard.) But thank you for creating YET another situation where I get to see if the poor thing works or not. Thanks for creating a situation which I would personally have ulcers over the rest of the day.

Finally, I gotta note that my initial googling did not turn up mention of a Rub Your Feet Club or a May I Touch Your Ass Coalition. Just Open Source Boobs. (Oh, wait, it looks like there is an edit at the end of the initial OSBoobs entry. One little line about the guys being open source as well.)

Funny thing, folks note, it is as simple as asking. Yes. Yes, it is. Asking people PRIVATELY where they can decline graciously or accept enthusiastically is GREAT. Asking people in public if you can enjoy their bodies by touching, not so much. If'n you wanna look, fine, go ahead. Appreciate my curvy female form in the privacy of your own mind. Thanks.


Edited to add: this situation reminds me of one of the etiquette points practised by the S/M community, which is that you don't usually* take your play to public places. Like even if your SO lets you slap them around in private, you don't do it in public.

*Usually. I think at community events like Folsom Street Fair, there's a certain amount of leeway.


Edited to add again: I have very few problems with the situation as it initially occured within the small group of people talking to each other. But I do kind of balk at the idea of then asking other people to participate outside that group. Taking it on the road. If you want to share your idea, you do so, but you create a safe space for that sharing to occur. Just springing it on a girl in a corridor at a Con? Mrfl.

Edited a third time: Don't know this person but I agree with both points A and B: http://pleonastic.livejournal.com/309350.html

I will perhaps discuss some more after work. Gotta skibble.